Why should you move on from the past?
We’ve all heard that we can’t be stuck in the past, that we must move on with our lives, but have you ever stopped to think about it?
Why should you move on from the past?
Well, frankly, because it can affect so many aspects of your life if you don’t.
This seems to be what everyone is saying. We need to let go.
Well with that said – I for one find it still hard some days.
I am a work in progress, each time, some things do get easier but other things remain a challenge.
As a Feng Shui practitioner, I am often talking about space for energy to move in our homes – the modern word of the day is decluttering – and I have never liked that word anyway. Making room for energy or Qi to move in my space makes so much more sense to me.
Letting go of what no longer serves us in our homes is becoming my theme and one that I have tried to be sure I walk the walk with on a few occasions, this being the second time we have packed everything up and moved again in four years.
I learnt again during the second time around, some new ways that my focusing on my past can be conflicting for me. I am not talking about sharing our stories or reliving our memories that tell a story of who we are, and the joy that we have had in our world. I am talking about things.
Yes things – things from our past that we store away.
This is a story about just that.
Things.
Things that take space in our homes that we never see, open or use, or take up space now in shipping containers, yeap I have 3. One is my Feng Shui Container, one is we need for everyday living and furniture and the other well lets just say it have been named the "tomb" yeap all the things that belong to the kids, our past, my grandmothers.
For nearly four years now we have been living in our “Nanny Flat” and loving it.
We never really cleared out “The Big House” as our daughter and her family moved in while they built their new home, and then we rented it to family friends.
No one could have planned for the delays over the last four years, and it is now time to move out and move into my favourite space - our beautiful cottage that we have started renovating. This place just sings to my soul - "You are home".
I had planned a period of months between these two events so that I could take my time and empty the sheds, though the universe had other ideas. It was almost overnight they we were moving out and others moving in.
My little nightmare of letting go of things began again, though I must say that this time, I was much stronger in some ways than the last time, okay mildly stronger but I am happy to say I am a work in progress.
Things from our past, I struggled, yes struggled hugely with what to do with them again.
For many of us we never think to devote time to thinking about how focusing on the past things can be a trigger.
I am going to share with you, hopefully, all the things that I discovered and why I want to persuade you to stop letting past things dictate, remembering if they do – its okay – you will work through it and it will happen.
What’s so bad about focusing on things from our past?
Focusing heavily on the past, whether in a negative or a positive way, we know can be unhelpful for us.
Holding on to things is really holding onto the moment they are attached to in the past.
I can tell you that the things I found did just that, once again I found things from:
- Memories of my Kids growing up – when I say this, it was from birth to now, and they are well into their thirty's
- Memories of my Grandparents – this was both my Mum and Dad’s and Robs family
- Memories of Dad
- Memories of my sisters and brother and all their kids
- Memories of moments with my Mum
- Gifts from friends that have departed or that I am have lost touch with
- Moments with Rob, anniversaries, holidays, just moments of joy.
- And so much more.
Now before I started, I thought I had covered myself with a really good plan second time around.
My plan consisted of:
- Most things were already packed into storage boxes from the house move 2 years earlier.
- A good friend of mine who had offered to help
- My daughter who is awesome at reducing things and making things organized.
-
Tools of the trade including
- Boxes, tapes, labels, bags and wrapping.
- A house full of grand kids again – this may have been a distraction tactic that my subconscious decided on prior to the task at hand, as in no way was this going to make it easier.
- Time to get it done.
The First Boxes.
This stated so well.
I was working quickly through the first of the sheds where we had already packed and stored a lot of our first move.
It was me making boxes and getting the things we would not need over the next couple of weeks into those boxes and letting go of more the second time around and placing on the table, my friend wrapping and my daughter giving inspiration as she does again.
Done.
A few – throw this, throw that form the gallery and I did get rid of plenty of things but could probably have done more, time was getting away on us. I was starting to feel a little stressed, but we soldiered on.
I was taking so much time sharing the story of each piece that I brought to be wrapped.
- Where it was from
- When did I get it
- Why I bought it or was given it
- Why I was not letting it go
- All about the events from each piece.
As I said before, focusing on something in the past can manipulate how you view present moments. It can make you distracted during events you’d otherwise be fully immersed.
Yeap true – so true I was so distracted sharing my stories.
The thing for me was they brought forward wonderful memories.
I motored through the kitchen, until the recipe books, again these had such great stories attached to them I had to share.
I sidetracked and decided my office might be less distracting – odd I know.
I was not prepared for the next one.
Next came the "second" shed, this was a shed that contained so much for me.
I found them all. More of the very same boxes I had packed two years earlier because I couldn't let them go and here I was again. Let’s face it when we go through a box with the little shirts our kids all wore, how wonderful do we feel. How exciting is it to remember the time and what they were doing?
Going through our shed with our second move I found so many of the kid’s things again, this time they were already packed in the boxes from our first move out of the house. So what was I to do? Again I was back in the same thought process as I was two years earlier clearing it out of the linen cupboard.
This is how that moment went for me:
- Yes, there was such joy in finding them, remembering the moments, and sharing with those with me that day.
- One of my grand daughters decided her "baby doll" could use a few new outfits so we packed them up for her.
-
Next came the sinking feeling inside of me again – what now.
- I was sure my boys would not want any of it.
- My daughter who was there took a few things and she let the rest go.
- My friend with me was – “No one is going to want it, just throw it out”
Triggered hell – you bet – yes, but it was different this time. The second time around I was more focused and determined to just not have so much stuff around us. After all our cottage was never going to hold it all and I had other plans for my space and time than storing things. Or so I thought.
I again found all the little knitted jackets and jumpers from my grand mothers and my mum. These were things, I as a child had worn, and let me just say I had a milestone birthday this year.
Just holding them brought such memories – oh wait was it all memories. Could I remember wearing this jacket as a baby – no – your right – no I could not. It was the feeling of my grandmother with me, you know that warm coat on a cold night, snugged up and cozy.
It was the feeling I was struggling to let go of.
Again there were tears, these garments were made with love.
I struggle again with
- What was I going to do with them?
- Who on earth would want them now, babies today do not wear them, no mum of today was going to spend time washing in "lux" and drying them laid out, so they don’t stretch? And I get that – as a mum today life is busy for them.
- I could unravel all the wool and make something else with it.
- I could stitch them to another blanket – hmm no -probably will not do that either
So, what did I do with it all - yeap it is now all in a shipping container named "The Tomb" waiting on a fantastic idea on how to preserve them or the kids to come around for a BBQ and decide to help me do something with it all. Lets face it if I don't sort it out is will be their problem one day and I have just passed the challenge on to them.
hmmm - still waiting for another day to work through that one, but I am getting closer.
How do you stop focusing on the past?
The first step in putting an end to this behavior once and for all is to resolve to let it go. Yeap sure that is what all the good books tell us. This is not always that easy.
WHY I was struggling to let go so much was that they had a connection.
I knew the story.
It was not about the memory for me – it was the feeling.
There was no negativity to anything I was holding onto here at all. Anything I knew I could buy if I needed, I could let go of in an instant but those things that had memories and stories attached to them - I was in trouble.
It was all about something that was love:
- Made with love
- Given in love
- Shared in love
- Being loved.
I knew this was not going to be easy for me. Not when everything I was touching was telling me stories about love and connecting.
My daughter as always, was wonderful – “You do you love, don’t let anyone tell you any different. If you need more time, you need more time. Pack it up and tackle that box next time. Let go of what you can”.
Some things I discovered that made it easier for me.
We all know, it’s easier said than done, but you must first consciously decide to do it before you can successfully let go.
We have all heard the one question to ask yourself is “What happens when I am gone, who wants these items then?”
What meaning do they have to others in your life?
So, I packed more of the boys’ things into a box, again, gave them to their partners and told them to keep what they love and let go of what they do not.
To my surprise the little teddy bears my mum had made for all my boys - that I had to chicken stitch together again my grand kids love. Go figure, they really love them.
I realise there is no point in me holding things for another 30 years filling my storage space and no one wanting it when I am gone.
Letting go of the feelings and moments you’re holding onto will allow you to finally move forward with your life and grow as a person, apparently. I know it will, in time, a few days, I am still just a little raw with it all today.
The Questions I asked myself:
- Do I love it
- Do I use it
- Is it necessary to keep it
A great book to read (from Margareta Magnusson)
I realised a few very strong points that I will leave you with for the second time:
- If you ask a friend, be prepared for them to not have the same attachment as you have. You accepted their offer of help. You now realize that they are so much better at letting go than you are. You cannot become annoyed with them for that. They are them; you are you, and you need to be thankful for friends who want to even step into the “letting go” realm with you as so many would want to pretend they never even heard you say you were packing things up. These are the friends you want in your corner.
- You need space to have your boxes in a row and allow things to overflow and sit to the side until you are ready to make the decision if they stay or go.
- You need time to share and tell your stories of the pieces you are holding. Oh, and you need someone who will sit and listen to those stories – AKA the friend above we spoke about or the grand kids.
- Its okay to tell friends who offer to help that you have it covered. I find it easier to work my way through the process with a small group of people than a large group getting it done quickly. I get over excited and feel like I am on a roller coaster emotionally and at the end of the day I just want to puke. There is always the cleaning day if they are great cleaners.
- I am an emotional person and I need time to work through this process. Its okay.
- Having the right people around me means that I can cry those tears and say, “I just cannot let this one go right now” and it is okay. Just like my daughter in law and my grandmother’s piano that yes is still sitting in the shipping container again with no where to go right now. The hug will make all the difference.
- The kids will probably tell you to just throw everything, they do not want it but there will always be one who wants you to store it until you go (as in depart the earth) so they can come home, open those boxes and sit around telling anyone who will listen their connection to everything in the box, feel the love they have from holding those items as well. Yeah, I have one of those.
- That I have moved less into storage the second time than ever before and the new cottage has less storage and space. I only hold that which brings love to my soul and it has to have a place straight away or it is staying in the shipping container for my kids to think about.
- I did let go of more this time. I did find a way to decide if it was staying or going the second time around. My thoughts are take your time - once, twice three times you need to go through it do that, but be honest with yourself why you are hanging on to it with dear life.
- I also know for sure now, that my children and grandies in time will hold the same pieces I have kept this time around, and know that it is all about love.
Love to you if you are clearing and letting go.
Happy Feng Shui ing With Grace
Leanne
