When we work with Feng Shui, we need to remember there are 3 Energy Zones that contribute to our lives.
- Heaven Qi – Our Destiny Energy.
- Earth Qi – this is the Feng Shui Energy we work with in our spaces.
Human Qi – this is the Personal Energy you bring in.
- How much you expand your energy,
- How you grab the Opportunities that come along
- How you Embrace your “NO’S”
- How you Overspend your ‘YES’s’. Your ‘yes’ is how you spend your time, your energy.
You only have a limited number of ‘YES’s’ to give.
Putting this article together I wanted to share the way to use your Human Qi to support you more with the ADVANTAGE of ‘SAYING NO”.
Along the way, I hope that you also discovered some exciting benefits of embracing your ‘NO’.
I used to find this a really hard one as I did not want to disappoint anyone.
I grew up with a strong father who expected a lot from us, and NO was not something that was accepted often.
I grew up feeling that when I said NO, I was being selfish, unhelpful, and just really unkind and ungrateful. But I know now that is the energy, I put around it and I allowed myself to feel that way.
I also grew to think that if I said YES more often than NO I would be able to fit in more and it filled my CUP OF SELF more as well.
It made me feel good about myself, until one day you wake up and realise that you are NOT YOU. I can thank my hubby for that realization.
Reason #1: No Protects Your Human Qi from Burnout
When you say yes to everything else, you have to say no to your own needs and wants. That means sometimes your priorities end up falling to the bottom.
If this happens continually, eventually you’ll start to lose yourself.
You wake up and wonder what happened to ‘YOU’.
Reason #2: No Earns Your Human Qi Respect
People don't respect a pushover they can bully:
- They might like a pushover,
- They may enjoy getting you to do things for them (especially if these are their tasks to begin with).
- But they don't actually respect and admire you.
Yet a funny thing happens when you say no:
- You earn the respect of those around you.
- They recognize that you have your priorities and your values.
- That instantly makes them admire you.
- They’re less likely to try to intimidate you or push you around.
Reason #3: No Lets You Focus on Your Human Qi Values
When you say ‘NO’, there's space to focus on your value.
If you constantly agree to wearing and helping all the different hats all at once, then you’re saying no to spending more time on those things that are really important.
Now if what you value is time with things that you’re saying ‘NO’ to, then you’re saying ‘NO’ to your values.
This creates a situation that is upsetting and can be painful at times.
It means that you're not living out what you want.
You're not walking in your values.
As a result, you can feel inauthentic and bitter.
Reason #4: No Creates Space for Others and Expands Your Human Qi
It's tempting to think that everything must be done by you, I had a really hard time letting this one go.
But in reality, you can't handle every project and request that comes your way. When you try to do it all, you take opportunities from others.
Maybe a friend will ask you to help them with a project, but you know that your plate is already overflowing. You're tempted to say yes, but then you think about it and as the resourceful women you are, you remember someone who is perfect and would absolutely love to do a project like this.
Now, you can still step in and say yes, and be stressed out and angry.
Or you can suggest your great idea and still keep your friendship without the additional stress.
Not only will you have less to do, but you and your friend are going to be happier.
Reason #5: No Protects Your Human Qi Energy
Women in today’s society are often encouraged to wear a “superhero” cape all the time. They’re expected to be everything to everyone and do it all with a smile and a good attitude.
But what you have to remember is that you have a limited flow of energy.
This means that when you encounter things that will drain your energy, you need to stand up for yourself and firmly say, “I can't do this.”
Perhaps you could recommend another person for this task or suggest an alternative. You could also simply say, “I'm sorry. This doesn't sound like a great fit for me right now.”
Keep in mind that just because you over-commit does not mean you will magically gain:
- The energy,
- The strength,
- The stamina,
or the time you need to accomplish everything.
Reason #6: No Adds Margin into Your Human Qi and Days
When you are constantly over-committed, there is no margin in your life.
For example, if you plan back-to-back to do’s all day, with no margin, then by the time you hit the end of the day:
- You're hungry.
- You're stressed out.
- You’re feeling grumpy because you’re overworked.
But when you say no, you create that margin your mind and body desperately need.
When you don't commit to every request or every project:
- You can show up.
- Bring your best self,
- Bring your best energy,
- and best focus.
Reason #7: No Gives Your Human Qi Confidence
The reason so many women say yes is they want to be liked.
But when you realize you can live without the approval and validation of others, it's entirely freeing.
Suddenly, your whole world opens up.
- You don't have to spend your evenings going to every request.
- You don't have to take every call on your phone.
- You no longer have to work for everyone's approval.
The moment that you realize this—the moment you realize that you can say no and still have people like you—you become liberated.
Reason #8: No Makes Room for Your Human Qi Self-Care
It’s common, especially in Western societies, for women to feel like they must always be busy and always be productive.
This leaves you very little time or even no time for self-care most days.
But when you say ‘NO’ to what doesn’t matter, you’re making room for self-care.
Your self-care can look like anything you want it to.
Maybe self-care for you is:
- Spending one night a week at home to read a book in a bubble bath.
- Or perhaps it means that you have time to take your kids out for a walk after dinner every night.
Maybe that makes you really happy and that's self-care for you.
As you say ‘NO’, more, embrace taking care of yourself.
When you’re a priority, amazing things start happening:
- You show up to events and meetings feeling energized and excited to face the day.
You greet challenges with enthusiasm, and you trust yourself to find the best possible solution.
Reason #9: No Gives Your Human Qi Back Control
Without a firm ‘NO’:
- You can feel like your life is spiraling out of control.
- You feel like everyone else is making decisions for you.
- You're busy working on everyone else's priorities.
- You’re meeting their needs and yet you don't feel good about yourself.
- Gives you back that feeling of control.
- It reminds you that you are in the driver's seat of your own life.
- You are picking and choosing what your priorities are and living according to your values.
Reason #10: No Makes Your Human Qi and ‘YES’ Precious
When you say ‘NO’ to the wrong things, you get to say ‘YES’ to the right things.
You get to say ‘YES’ to the things that excite you:
- Yes, to the projects that energize you.
- Yes, to the relationships that fulfill you.
- Yes, to the dreams and the goals that truly matter to you.
- Yes, to the values that reflect who you are as a person.
At its core, saying ‘NO’ is about allowing your Human Qi to choose what doesn’t matter and refusing to give it any more space in your life.
Today I protect my Human Qi and my ‘YES’S’ and I have learnt to deliver more of the ‘NO’S when it really does not resonate with me and my Human Qi Energy.
I make sure that I use my Human Qi (the best I can):
- I add in my ‘CATCH UP TIME’ in my diary so that things don’t run back-to-back and then start to overlap.
- I add in my ‘BREATH WEEKENDS’ these are every month – Friday to Monday. Weekends that are untouchable where I can catch my breath, catch up with those that are important to me and do the things that I really want to do.
- I block out the ‘LONG WEEKENDS’ as these are also untouchables in our house. This is when we pack up the caravan’s and head off with our family to a quiet little spot and ‘Campfire, Chill and Chat”.
- Once a year I block out my ‘Seasonal Weekends’ – this is my ‘Wintering Retreat’ and it’s all about taking the time to REFIND ME and connect with others who are just needing that time to ‘Hibernate, Regather, Re-energize’.
- I block out as many of my ‘Walking Trail Monday’s’ with my Bestie, so we are ready for our adventure later in the year.
- I am in control of my work week, and I have a clear outline of how my work week looks – well most of the time but I am getting better at this one.
- My priority is my ‘Nanny Day’ with my Grandies – they come first as much as I can possibly put them first.
- The rest of it is taking care of what comes up and home and family.
Click here for your FREE 20min Qi Chat and how you can use Feng Shui and your Human Qi to change the way you feel around saying NO more often.
I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination for sure. I mess up along the way in the year, but this gives me some control over how my Human Qi Energy and the year is going to pan out.
Do I mess it up? – for sure I do.
Do I get myself in spots of having to make hard choices? – you bet I do.
Do I try and put too much into my calendar and life? – absolutely I do.
Do I give myself a little kick and get it back on track? – well this is one I am learning but yeah, I do…. Eventually.
To be kind to ourselves we need to ensure that our Human Qi is controlled by us.
We manage how we spend our Human Qi and where it goes.
When you do this, you have the freedom to say ‘YES’ to the things that truly matter to you!
Happy Feng Shui ing